WHAT NOT TO DO ON A FIRST DATE

Friends of mine are often telling me that I could write a book about some of the random dating/stalker experiences I’ve had. Perhaps they should of said blog. I’m often overwhelmed with the thought of what to write about here but seriously – the sky’s the limit, it’s my blog. So let me begin to relay some of my experiences – all from online dating, apparently no one I know, knows anyone good enough for me… or that’s at least what I tell myself.

A few months ago a man was being persistent about getting my attention so I eventually caved and started chatting with him. Just a few emails before I gave him my number. As soon as I did he sent me pictures of his twins. They are 17 yr old actors/bodybuilders, etc. He goes on and on about them. That’s ok. It’s attractive to see a man so passionate about his kids and role as a parent. I have no desire to be with a dead beat dad. When we connect on the phone, he totally dominates the conversation, talks about his job, his ex wife, his kids, etc. We speak some about me but he’s chatty and forward – this is also ok… maybe it’s nerves. Besides, it’s all history anyway, just maybe a lot up front. He does come across as a sweet, give you my arm if you need it type of guy. After just 1-2 conversations we make plans to meet for lunch in the park the next day.

Upon meeting he brings me a red rose ;) Very unexpected and very sweet. I love flowers and I’m always happy to get them – especially when someone other than myself is buying them for me. We go for a walk for an hour or so where he completely dominates the conversation again, his kids, his ex-wife, his job that he just lost, etc. I’m thinking he sure does talk a lot about his ex-wife. Should this concern me? RED FLAG. And the kids? That’s great you have an awesome relationship with them but… 3 hrs a day with them at the gym, 2 hrs a night with them at church….I’m just sayin. RED FLAG.

After the walk we get a cooler from his car where he has packed lunch for us. Upon grabbing the cooler, he also grabs a shoebox???? Hmm, what the hell is in that? Plus I notice it’s a shoebox with what I believe to be woman’s only brand. I have the same brand in my closet. RED FLAG. So we spread out a little picnic and chat, at which point I am able to talk some about me and my life, but not much. I didn’t have too much time because, well, he wanted to share his shoebox with me ;) So here it comes. It’s quite the assortment of things. He pulls out multiple photos of his kids in frames at various ages. (Who is he selling here?) Then he has some photos of himself from over the years. I think men do this when they get older and are fearful or insecure about how they may have aged. He was a good looking guy, in good shape. I thought it was cute, although odd, that he brought some old pics. I was shocked that he shared one that I would of buried forever. He was a Guido back in his hay day and here he is with his magenta matching short set holding his newborn baby on someone’s deck 17 yrs ago…. ahh cute, I can’t believe you wore that color and wait – is that playboy bunny necklace you have on?! I laughed – out loud, he did too. Not a RED FLAG, but something I would of kept to myself for a very long time. And then.. the last two items. His boys were one time actors and did a movie with someone famous. He had already told me about this on the phone, which I of course verified through www.imdb.com. He brought the DVD – for proof I guess. Lastly, my date had a long career working for the post office. Someone at some point did an article on his office and he was photographed working for this article. It was like 20+ yrs old and it was a large article. It was laminated. RED FLAG WAVING WILDLY IN THE WIND.

For the record, I do feel guilty telling my story since he was nice but he’ll never know and I’ll never use his name ;) Onwards….

After this he leans back and says there’s something he needs to tell me. OF COURSE THERE IS BUT What could it possibly be after the shoebox? Did you leave something out? My date goes back to an earlier conversation about this ex-wife, she’s the guardian to the kids for acting purposes and did not work full-time so she could be on call. She started working PT and then fell for her boss, had an affair, moved in with him, served my date with divorce papers (maybe not in that order). This was 5 yrs ago. Turns out, they didn’t get divorced – something about if they did, she would have no benefits, etc. SO WHAT? She doesn’t want to be with you! I don’t care that she’s the mother of your children!! She’s also the one who wanted out. Out is out! This means technically, he’s still married. RED FLAG. She has since had 2 relationships, the last one recently ended and guess what – for some reason she has nowhere to go and the sons don’t think it’s right that she can’t move back home, so she does. That’s his story. She moved back in only because of financial issues but she has her own room and bathroom and he even built a wall to separate them further. MARRIED AND STILL LIVING WITH HIS WIFE, BUT IN SEPARATE BEDROOMS. A CHINESE ARMY OF RED FLAGS WAVING WILDLY IN THE WIND. True story. I was dumb founded. Literally. All I could get out was, “Well, that’s not the most ideal situation” and my inner voice said, “God I need a drink”. He went on about it for a little, wanting to be honest with me, wanted me to meet him first, etc. I get that but geez. Talk about false advertising.

He then asked what I wanted to do since it was getting dark but all I could think about was drinking. Even though the army was in front of me, I was trying (because truly options are limited when you get older) to see if I can look at the gray areas in this vs it being so black and white. I really can’t. While I am pondering his question he says, “Well I know what I want to do if you are up for it.” “What, I say” “Watch the movie.” “The movie with your sons?” (the one he has probably watch a thousand times over???) “No, not tonight, thanks. I’d like to get a drink”. So we do, where he talks more about him, his kids, his life, etc. In the entire time we spent together – which was way longer than I should of allowed he probably learned 10% about me. Crazy. And this is with not even going into detail about the boys speaking IN TONGUE at the church. RED FLAG. OR MAYBE RED PILL, OR IS THAT THE BLUE PILL?

6 Responses to “WHAT NOT TO DO ON A FIRST DATE”

  1. cherie rizzo magna

    OMG Kathy…I can’t stop laughing….not at you, with you…Dating is like digging for gold after 35..lmao

  2. Donna

    Kathy, great story…and reminds me of how painful online dating is. But also reminds me how much I learned from the whole process. I am going through a divorce at the age of 52 after a very brief second marriage (how old are you BTW if you don’t mind me asking). And even though I learned alot, I can’t bring myself to go back to match.com or whatever the current ‘cool’ site is these days. I live in Austin TX where the median age is probably around 32-35 thanks to the University of Texas somewhat.
    And the second marriage happened because I did become less picky since I am older but it blew up in my face. And I’m actually a bit of a catch I would say. I’m tall 5’10″ which actually is a detreiment often but am slim but don’t work out so am flabby. But I look great in clothes!! I have worked for Dell Computer for almost 15 years so am gainfully employed (knock on wood). I never had children, by the time I thought about it, wasn’t able without alot of scientific help.
    Sorry to ramble…maybe I should start blogging!
    Thank you for your forum…
    Donna

    • Hi Donna! Thanks for writing. Yes, online dating has its up and downs. This is only the first of many posts related to the topic. I’ve met some nice guys without a doubt but only had chemistry with 1-2. Nothing has panned out for me yet. I am 39 (gulp), never married, no kids – well, just my fur children. I don’t think I’m too picky but I guess that’s all relative. I can’t fake feelings. They are there or they aren’t. I admit to possibly being guarded at times but I am who I am. I just need someone who’s interested enough to peel away some layers. I would love to do the same. I fear becoming a social misfit as I get older though! Life has had some rough spots the past few years, perhaps people see that in me now. I hope that’s not the case though. Time will tell.

      Stay tuned for “A Man and His Orange”
      Kathleen

  3. Kim

    Hilarious , I’m still laughing …thanks!

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