A MAN AND HIS ORANGE

Had a bunch of crazy dates with this guy but this one takes the cake – I mean orange.

Date number one goes well. It starts with us meeting at a restaurant when right off the bat I get the obligatory – “I find it hard to believe you’re still single.” (me too). “Have you ever been married?”, to which I reply, “No.” Next up – “Have you ever been engaged?” Again, “No.” (but in a slightly smaller voice). Next – “Have you ever been asked?” Again, “No.” (which is barely audible because he managed to depress me in a matter of a few minutes. Sangria please.) He did realize this and we chuckled about it. Of course I could go on and on as to why I think I’m single but I won’t ;) I don’t talk about myself here, just other people. Bottom line – haven’t met the right person at the right time. The date was fine all in all. It’s Date #2 that’s most memorable.

We chat early the next week, he randomly tells me that he has to help a friend move the following weekend, which at some point during that week changes to he now has to work that weekend. I think nothing of it. We plan to have dinner that Friday. He works in the city, I’m recently unemployed. This means I’m completely flexible schedule wise. When we chat late that afternoon he seems nervous that he’s running late, has to get the train, or missed the first train, etc. Whatever. I don’t remember the finite details but bottom line, I am completely zen at the time. I just lost a job that was killing me so I give him an out. We can reschedule. He doesn’t want to, so we just meet later than planned, around 8pm… in a public place.  (I go back and forth as to when I choose to share my address and personal info for fear of getting a stalker.) I told him I eat late anyway (thanks to job working for Satan a few years ago) so later was fine with me, not to stress, not to worry. We had originally discussed dinner in Montclair, a nice town with shops and outdoor eateries we could casually stroll through but it had been raining so we nixed that on the phone, without making plans as to what to do.

We meet at a strip mall on the local highway. I park next to him but he’s not in his car. He comes out of Dunkin Donuts (this is not why I like him) a few minutes later with a hot cup of coffee. We kiss and say hello, it’s nice. I’m kinda of waiting for him to say, “Hop in and let’s get some dinner.” He doesn’t. We stand for a few minutes looking at each other, smiling, and finally I say, “Well, why don’t you get in my car and we’ll figure out what to do.” We were in my neck of the woods anyway. So, he goes to his car (to get something imperative I assume… wallet, keys, cellphone..) and grabs his orange. Then gets in an buckles up ;-) I of course could not help to think to myself – Hmm, weren’t we going out to dinner? Did I miss something here? He’s got a steaming hot cup of coffee and an orange… Odd. It throws me off a little. So I pull out onto the highway and here it is… He says, “I need to tell you something.” Of course he does…. He hesitates, carefully thinks through his thoughts before speaking. Here it comes. “What if I told you I was a staunch Republican.” Blink. Blink. (that’s me). “Oh”, I say, “I’m not very political actually but if I had to choose I probably do fall in the Democratic category… but, I’m not very political.” “That’s ok”, he says, “I’m not.” WTF? Then he says, “What if I told you I have been to jail.” Wtf is this? “Have you been?” I ask. “No” he says. (This is a true story.) So I say to my date, listen – whatever it is, just tell me because all you are doing now is making me crazy and thinking about just where on the road I am going to drop you off… he chuckles. Then he proceeds to tell me he’s in the Army Reserve. That’s it. So of course my response to him is, “Does telling people you serve our country in some way, shape or form usually get a negative reaction?” He chuckles again, “No.” Well what the hell!!! Why did you just make a big deal out of that. Jesus. He proceeds to give me a little background info on this as I drive around, unsure of where to now go since he seems to have dinner and a drink with him…. joined at 17, has to put in 20 yrs, he’s 40, missed a year for switching something, has a year and a have left… (which I realize later on after the date that these numbers do not add up – go figure). This was also the ‘work’ weekend. He actually had his weekends mixed up and he had to do the Army thing that weekend, not work. I try to chalk this up to nervousness on his part, cause I don’t know what else to chalk it up to really.

Now I am driving through Oakland, in the direction of many restaurants. We pass this large building that I know is a food store on a hill but I thought there once was a theater as well so he asks if I could drive up and take a look – so I do. Nope, no theater, just a food store… so I go to turn around and he then asks, “Do you mind stopping so I could run in and get some yogurt.” (True – I swear) I respond, “For your orange????” “No, he says for breakfast tomorrow – do you need anything?” I’m seriously dumb-founded. How did I get here? Where did it all go so wrong? It was when he picked up that f’n orange, it’s been all downhill since then. “No I don’t need anything. Don’t you think the yogurt will go bad by the time you get home?” (It was like 90 degrees with 100% humidity out that night) Frankly I wanted to say that I had already done my food shopping during the week to make sure I didn’t have to run any errands while I was out on the actual date but it’s not my nature to be so forward. No yet at least. A few more of these and he never would of made it to the car with the fruit to begin with. So he decides based on my comments that he doesn’t need to go in. I pull out of the lot and drive down the street (my head is spinning). He points to a restaurant and says why don’t we go there. We do.

We get seated, get menus, get drinks. I’m starving now… then he tells me he’s not very hungry. Wtf! Wt?! Well I am, so we order. Dinner is great (the food) and the conversation is fine because I’m partially amused at how the last hour transpired. Right after I have my last bite he says, “BTW, I have to go help my friend move and I needed to be there an hour ago.” YUP. Blink. Blink. What? So the story goes that he was gonna help on Saturday but then had to work (aka Army Reserve) so he was trying to be nice and offered to help Friday night instead, thinking she wouldn’t take him up on it… and she did. Then he found himself in this odd overbooked situation, one of those bookings being with me for our second date. Seriously, what on earth was he thinking? And to boot I gave him an out of the phone earlier that afternoon!!! He was very apologetic, said he probably needed some classes on dating etiquette, knew he caused an issue but wasn’t sure how to get out of it, etc. Honestly, I am amused by all of this. Shocked, a little annoyed, bewildered definitely but honestly amused. I actually believe him. Ugghh. It was the shortest date I had ever been on. My head was spinning when I got home and I spent the entire weekend over analyzing ever detail.

In the end, I could probably have more than one post about this guy. I did like him. It did have potential – as crazy as that sounds, but we had a series of dates that were complicated. I don’t expect an easy road but if nothing else it should be easy and fun in the beginning. Every time we were together it was some major issue it seemed. Perhaps my communication is poor or was poor with him but he misread so much or read into too much. And in the end he told me walking away was a big mistake. I do think about that often. I feel bad that I didn’t stay in touch with him, just in general. Perhaps the timing was off. Regardless – wasn’t that the craziest date? LOL.

3 Responses to “A MAN AND HIS ORANGE”

  1. cherie magna

    Kath..once again you have me bewildered and laughing..omggg….what a crazy story.

  2. Alberto

    Wow Kathy, way funny (and a bit surreal)…

  3. Shari

    I do think you can write a book of short stories based on your dating experiences!

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